THIS IS A RANT- THE LASTMA TALE

Posted: February 25, 2015 by myTHOUGHTStoSCREEN in LIFE LESSONS, NIGERIA, RANDOM THOUGHTS
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PS: THIS IS A RANT!!!
I don’t think I’ve been this pissed in a very long while. I mean nothing on earth pisses me off more than dishonest, selfish, self-centered (and many other adjectives my brain can’t express presently) people. One thing I have always been very careful about is falling on the wrong side of the law; why? Most, if not all security, traffic control, vehicle inspection officers in this country are nothing to write home about!
Today (25-02-2015) started off pretty well, I was still giddy over FCBarcelona’s win yesterday and it also happens to be a special someone’s birthday. I left home to the Island to run an errand for my Mum even though I was supposed to be in school. After my errand, I decided to see Esther since I was just a stone throw from her office (make that two stone throws). Seeing as I wasn’t very used to driving on the Island I was very cautious of every turn and bend I took, but unfortunately, I missed a turn. I went forward anyway because I was sure there was another exit although I wasn’t sure of how I was to get there. I got to a bus stop and decided to ask a bus conductor I saw, just as he was about giving me directions, I saw a LASTMA officer just in front. I thought to myself “Thank God o! At least I won’t get missing”.  I moved forward a bit and beckoned on him to come. He approached me, I greeted him and told him where I was trying to get to. He then said “Ah, madam you might get confused o, let me just follow you”. 
I was very surprised he agreed to follow me, I kept thinking “So there are still good LASTMA officers like this, perhaps I have always been too quick to draw my conclusions about them”. He then said it was obvious I didn’t know the island too well. I told him I hardly had any business there, that it was mainly my mother’s office in Ikoyi that usually brought me down there. He asked if I was in the military or paramilitary because of the cap I had on the dashboard. I told him it was my mums’ and we continued our journey. When we finally got somewhere I was familiar with I asked him if he was going to the mainland too seeing as we had gone quite a distance from where i met him. He said he wasn’t, and that we were approaching the exact place I picked him. I thought to myself “This guy has been really helpful, I should just squeeze out #500 from my empty wallet for his effort”. I decided I would give him #500 when we reached his stop. When we got forward I realized we were just across the road from where I met him. “Ha ok! You don’t even need to enter a bus back” I said. He said “No o, I’ll just cross and climb down that bridge”.
He got out, and then I wound down the car window and started my thank you speech (at that point I was much more than grateful). I gave him the #500 from my almost empty wallet, and he said “No o Madam ah no”. “Oh wow” was my next thought, he didn’t even want money. I began to tell him how much I appreciated what he had done, how he had basically saved my life and how he should just take it as a token. Then the bomb dropped “Madam abeg add something join e too small” was the next thing he said. WHAT???? Now that I’m revisiting the incident, perhaps that would have been a good time to zoom off. I opened my bag and found a #200 note lying there; I brought it out and gave it to him. He didn’t take it; instead he got back into the car. He started this speech of how he’ll ordinarily collect #5000 and that what he has just done for me, no other officer would do it. At this point I was just cursing myself inside for missing that turn. The he said “Madam see ehn, ordinarily if it was another officer he would have directed you to pass one way, so that they will book you and you’ll pay #25,000. I’m just doing it for you because you looked responsible”. WOW!! So asking for directions is now a crime? So once I don’t know my way I have to pay the nearest LASTMA guy #5,000 for directions? I was quite dumbfounded. I dug out another #500 note from my bag and gave him #1,000 (at that point all I wanted was for him to get the hell out of my car, before I pulled out a sharp object). He still refused the money and said “Madam see now, my oga is already calling me, if I don’t go back with something for all of them he will not find it funny. Just make it #3,000; I have more than #1,000 in my pocket. This #1,000 will not go anywhere o. Na help I just say make I help you o”.
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I tried explaining to him how I didn’t have any more money while begging him to accept my own hard-earned money that he hadn’t worked for. I kept wondering how I had gone from the girl who was about to give out #500 out of the goodness of her heart, to the girl who was begging the same person to accept #1000. Since he still refused, I decided to add the #200, he still refused and asked me to add the #100 he saw dangling out of my bag. I finally gave him #1,300 before he got himself out of the car. While he was walking away, I thought to myself, if you don’t leave this guy with a piece of your mind, you’ll regret it. I horned and beckoned on him to come. First, I made sure the car was locked then I wound down and said “I hope you know you won’t use that money for anything tangible”. While he tried to process, I zoomed off.
I basically drove in beast mode all through the rest of the journey, pouring my anger on every road user that crossed my path. I decided to stop at the supermarket to shop for a few things hoping that would ease off the anger. Well…. It did, until I saw another LASTMA officer on my way (P.S: I almost ran him over). Right now my keyboard is paying the price.
TO BE CONTINUED….
AND!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND, TURNED SISTER AND HUSBAND, IFUEKO ‘CORRINA’ AIDEYAN, I WISH YOU THE BEST OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT. AND I PRAY GOD CONTINUES TO REWARD YOUR KIND HEART AND SOUL. AND NO I DON’T LOVE YOU!
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UNTIL NEXT TIME….. XOXO
DON’T FORGET TO DROP YOUR THOUGHTS…. LETS HEAR YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE
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Comments
  1. Esther says:

    OMG!!!! Ame I’m sorry this happened o…. Don’t worry we’re going sniper on those latsma bitches…. they won’t know what hit them
    It was wonderful seeing you yesterday
    P.S: We all know you love Ifueko so quit denying it

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  2. Sometimes you encounter people whom you fight the urge to put a bullet in their heads.

    Like the saying goes:
    Give a man an inch…

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  3. Gabosky says:

    Hmmmnnn…arrant nonsense! You were just too kind and lenient. And being a female,the LASTMA personnel wanna take advantage. But next time, don’t just allow anyone hop into ur car in a bid to offer you assistance. What if he has a piston with him? Or something dangerous? A simple direction would have been okay. I wish you knew it will end up dis way,you would have ‘priced’ for his service before granting him an offer..lol.

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  4. […] Happy New Month people!!!! Welcome to the month of March, I trust you all had a blissful February; not to worry March promises to be better. I hope everyone is enjoying what’s left of their weekend, for behold Monday falls upon us tomorrow. I wouldn’t even classify Saturday as part of my weekend for the fact that I had to be in school yesterday. And as a result of the environmental sanitation exercise, the traffic to and fro was hell and yes I was very late for my class. In other news, the lecturer was this very very very hot and brainy young doctor. If I were to guess I would say she should be in her early 30’s. I just found a new motivation to get my PhD after this (getting my PhD before I’m 28 won’t be such a bad idea *flips brain*). Back to my LASTMA debacle, I’m still quite furious (well, a little less furious than I was on Wednesday). If you still haven’t read the first part of this post you aren’t too late. Click here. […]

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