THE NATURAL HAIR BONDAGE

Posted: January 24, 2016 by myTHOUGHTStoSCREEN in RANDOM THOUGHTS, RANTS AND BANTS
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*DUSTS COBWEBS*

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Hello Beautiful People, it’s been quite while. I guess Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day, Happy New Year and Happy Valentine’s day in advance will be in order. First of all, a very big thank you to everyone who asked me about writing again *this one’s for you* (in Drake’s voice). I thought my “come back” post (feeling like one long lost Nigerian musician FAZE) would be a recap of 2015 but when I tried writing that, all I could come up with was…..

2015 = WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE

So I decided to write something else….

I gave myself a Friday deadline for this post but I still couldn’t go through with it. Coincidentally, today is my Mum and her twin sister’s birthday (I know my Mum is turning up in heaven). So,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUM AND TWIN MUM, THE WORLD ISN’T THE SAME WITHOUT YOU MUM, IF YOU CAN COME BACK PLEASE DO.

Mummy and her twin sister.JPG

NOW……

It should be noted that at the time I thought up this post all I wanted to do was find out which relaxer was the best in the market, buy the relaxer, relax the living day light out of my natural bondage hair and live happily ever after.

It was about 2am that morning and while the world was asleep I was battling the dried crumbs of banana stuck in my hair. The numerous “natural hair diaries” where they talked about conditioning or whatever with bananas didn’t talk about this part. I kept asking myself; did I use the wrong type of bananas? Did I leave the mashed up bananas on for too long? Was I supposed to grind/blend the bananas instead of mashing it up? Instead of me to think about my project write up I’m to submit in less than a week I was thinking about bananas and my natural bondage hair. After washing my hair three times and combing so rigorously that my scalp even almost left my skull, I decided to give up. I dried my hair with the crumbs in it, wove it and went to bed. Thanks to the hair, I had barely 3hours of sleep that night and I had to be in school the next morning. I kept thinking; who sent me message? Why exactly have I not relaxed my hair? How do deeper life girls do it?

I went to school the next morning with the crumbs in my hair like that. I thought no one noticed until I was walking to class and this rotund guy was busy trying to make a conversation. I really wasn’t interested, so I walked past him and the next thing I heard was “are you just waking up from sleep?” I turned around with disdain written all over my face wondering what in the world prompted the question. Then he sad “there are many things that look like foam on your head”, I said thank you and continued to class. I got to class and that was basically the first thing everyone noticed.

This was never the plan; I cut my hair two years back because I felt like doing something different in my life at a point where a lot of things were going south. I never planned on going “natural”. But then the first thing everyone who saw me on low cut said was “you have decided to go natural” (after the “ahhh why the hell did you cut/barb your hair” part). And then I decided to join the band wagon. It was all fun and games until the hair actually began to grow. I wasn’t really interested in all the plenty serenren that came with “going natural” at first but when the hair became too difficult I got sucked into the expensive, time consuming, pain wreaking hole. The plan was to groom my hair for a year then relax it. But then I started hearing gist of how we grow 1-2 inches per month and the only reason my hair won’t be at least 24 inches long at the end of two years was because I couldn’t retain it or whatever; but somebody lied *in ice prince’s voice*.

Then there came the long list of things I had to put into the hair to condition it, retain my hair length, stop breakage etc. Then I had to look for organic shampoos and conditioners because the regular #150 shampoos and conditioners I was used to had some chemicals that were to be avoided. I also had to buy some vitamin supplements that I could barely afford. I piled up the lists till I had a source of income. After three to four months of buying I decided I wasn’t buying anything I couldn’t afford anymore. So I focused on using fruits and other affordable products. I started with avocado, honey, garlic and olive oil and even onions. Then I introduced coconut oil (which I make with my own hands from scratch), eggs and eventually the bananas that ruined it all, and then came ripe plantain. I had to decide if eating the almighty dodo was more important than having bad ass natural hair.

Then just when you are busy complaining, you see a picture of a fellow naturalist who started the journey a year after you did but has 10 inches hair.

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Lets not forget the “should I help you comb your hair” stare yoruba men and women give you in the danfo the day you decide to carry your natural, unrelaxed hair that you tried to do “bantu knots” on the previous night and failed woefully.

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At this point I’m wondering what all the stress is for, I mean fruits and eggs that people are looking for to eat I’m busy packing it on my hair. I still fix my weaves or braid my hair all the time; so what exactly is the point? Keeping this our dark thick natural hair is awfully expensive, pain wreaking and time consuming! Why exactly are we so passionate about “going natural”? I know the kind of pain I go through each time I have to make my hair, just because I have decided to abstain from relaxers. Worst part is awon natural hair teachers said we should not comb out hair, but use our fingers as combs. Just like fashion trends, we have all jumped on this bandwagon even though it’s killing us inside. The worst part is after two years of pain and suffering, my hair still isn’t 12 inches long. My hair stylist will likely ban me from her saloon soon, all because I threaten anyone who tries to bring a comb close to my head.

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*looks at Solange Knowles’ picture* I’m still not relaxing my hair! The devil is a liar!!! I have come this far and I plan to continue *giggles*, Solange is the ‘hairspiration’. But this won’t be the last of my complaints.

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This is all I managed to grow in a year and 9 months

PS: Tomorrow, my hair will be two years old!!! (there’ll be no party)

UNTIL NEXT TIME……… XOXO

DON’T FORGET TO DROP YOUR COMMENTS

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Comments
  1. miraomoz1 says:

    Lllllloolllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, da natural hair hustle is real I gats to tell you dat.It ain’t easy gurl,but I gat U!looollllzzzzzzzzz

    Like

  2. I am not a fan of ur writing, am so envious of it. Ame, do you ever consider writing, a short story or novella. it might be a great start…Shit! the blog was suppose to be the great start…..Ok<<

    Like

  3. Esther says:

    This is what u get for joining a band wagon…. Hahaha…. I tried transitioning after chopping a large chunk of my hair off last year April, by September I knew it was either I relaxed my hair or die from migraine…. I relaxed d hair in December n I’ve never been happier…..
    Solange can be hair inspiration to others, I’m just going to get inspired by other things

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Melody says:

    There are awesome writers/bloggers like Ofili and then there’s Ame👏🏽👏🏽 Don’t ever stop writing.

    Like

  5. Moji says:

    OMG! I thought it was only me o. I love your writing by the way and I’d missed reading your posts. As I type this my hair is in a protein treatment with egg white and honey dripping all over my neck. We will survive. I would have relaxed the thing since if relaxers didn’t hurt my scalp so much. Plus I’ve bragged about being #teamnatural to my family and i can’t go back now. Mtcheeew!
    howmojistyledit.com

    Like

  6. Corrine's truths says:

    Reblogged this on corrine147's Blog and commented:
    Ahhhh she does it again and speaks from her mind. All you naturalists! I envy from quite afar. I just Kent. How I looked at my friend in wonder as we strolled to the barbers shop that cool evening. 2 years later and she’s still going on. Here’s her experience and comment if you can relate!!! Keep going Woman! You are my hairspiration because you know I just Kent do it!!!🙆🏽💆🏽💇🏽🙅🏽💁🏽

    Like

  7. Corrine's truths says:

    Great kudos you! You have sha tried. If you remember I tried to do the transitioning first before the Big Chop. The lord revealed to me that my scalp was in grave danger when I couldn’t pass the biggest sized comb through my hair one morning I was planning to make my hair. It was with blind eyes I reached the salon and just picked a relaxing kit and gave the salon lad. Even offered to help as well! But guess what. My hair grew!! So instead of all the whole go Nashura or become a Nashuralist I just relax my hair every 3 months. Works for me so Booyaa!! Keep it on Ame!🙌🏽🙌🏽👏🏽👏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ada says:

    Lol. This thing is sha not fair or natural. One of my students looks like she fixed 250k baby hair and it’s her natural hair of abt 2years + I almost put scissors in my hair in front of class dat day bt d still small voice said Ada ya a bald nigga. Don’t do it. It will never grow again.U kent kee urslf. Yaf tried and still tryin. D day u can’t anymore plix relaz it*in falz voice* by d way ur writing is awesome! Always funny in a serious way

    Like

  9. Owgee says:

    I had a similar experience with bananas too and avocado. Next time, use banana baby food instead. I have also come very very close to relaxing my hair, but what keeps me going is how much time, money and efforts have gone into my 2+ years of being natural. On days like that, I just start singing
    ‘I just can’t give up now, I’ve come too far from where I started, nobody told me, the road would be easy and I don’t believe, He’s brought me this far to leave me.’ Lol. If you feel like relaxing it sha, you should. It’s just hair.

    Nice blog. Found the link on Okechukwu’s website. Sorry about your mum.

    Like

  10. Teejay says:

    Nice piece Ame…. Was dazed when I saw your “transformed” hair at the CDS that beauriful Wednesday Morning… lol. + the hair looks really cool now. So sorry to hear about your Mum. The good Lord will continue to strengthen you! Cheers

    Like

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