THE NATURAL HAIR BONDAGE

*DUSTS COBWEBS*

Hello Beautiful People, it’s been quite while. I guess Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day, Happy New Year and Happy Valentine’s day in advance will be in order. First of all, a very big thank you to everyone who asked me about writing again *this one’s for you* (in Drake’s voice). I thought my “come back” post (feeling like one long lost Nigerian musician FAZE) would be a recap of 2015 but when I tried writing that, all I could come up with was…..

2015 = WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE

So I decided to write something else….

I gave myself a Friday deadline for this post but I still couldn’t go through with it. Coincidentally, today is my Mum and her twin sister’s birthday (I know my Mum is turning up in heaven). So,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUM AND TWIN MUM, THE WORLD ISN’T THE SAME WITHOUT YOU MUM, IF YOU CAN COME BACK PLEASE DO.

NOW……

It should be noted that at the time I thought up this post all I wanted to do was find out which relaxer was the best in the market, buy the relaxer, relax the living day light out of my natural bondage hair and live happily ever after.

It was about 2am that morning and while the world was asleep I was battling the dried crumbs of banana stuck in my hair. The numerous “natural hair diaries” where they talked about conditioning or whatever with bananas didn’t talk about this part. I kept asking myself; did I use the wrong type of bananas? Did I leave the mashed up bananas on for too long? Was I supposed to grind/blend the bananas instead of mashing it up? Instead of me to think about my project write up I’m to submit in less than a week I was thinking about bananas and my natural bondage hair. After washing my hair three times and combing so rigorously that my scalp even almost left my skull, I decided to give up. I dried my hair with the crumbs in it, wove it and went to bed. Thanks to the hair, I had barely 3hours of sleep that night and I had to be in school the next morning. I kept thinking; who sent me message? Why exactly have I not relaxed my hair? How do deeper life girls do it?

I went to school the next morning with the crumbs in my hair like that. I thought no one noticed until I was walking to class and this rotund guy was busy trying to make a conversation. I really wasn’t interested, so I walked past him and the next thing I heard was “are you just waking up from sleep?” I turned around with disdain written all over my face wondering what in the world prompted the question. Then he sad “there are many things that look like foam on your head”, I said thank you and continued to class. I got to class and that was basically the first thing everyone noticed.

This was never the plan; I cut my hair two years back because I felt like doing something different in my life at a point where a lot of things were going south. I never planned on going “natural”. But then the first thing everyone who saw me on low cut said was “you have decided to go natural” (after the “ahhh why the hell did you cut/barb your hair” part). And then I decided to join the band wagon. It was all fun and games until the hair actually began to grow. I wasn’t really interested in all the plenty serenren that came with “going natural” at first but when the hair became too difficult I got sucked into the expensive, time consuming, pain wreaking hole. The plan was to groom my hair for a year then relax it. But then I started hearing gist of how we grow 1-2 inches per month and the only reason my hair won’t be at least 24 inches long at the end of two years was because I couldn’t retain it or whatever; but somebody lied *in ice prince’s voice*.

Then there came the long list of things I had to put into the hair to condition it, retain my hair length, stop breakage etc. Then I had to look for organic shampoos and conditioners because the regular #150 shampoos and conditioners I was used to had some chemicals that were to be avoided. I also had to buy some vitamin supplements that I could barely afford. I piled up the lists till I had a source of income. After three to four months of buying I decided I wasn’t buying anything I couldn’t afford anymore. So I focused on using fruits and other affordable products. I started with avocado, honey, garlic and olive oil and even onions. Then I introduced coconut oil (which I make with my own hands from scratch), eggs and eventually the bananas that ruined it all, and then came ripe plantain. I had to decide if eating the almighty dodo was more important than having bad ass natural hair.

Then just when you are busy complaining, you see a picture of a fellow naturalist who started the journey a year after you did but has 10 inches hair.

Lets not forget the “should I help you comb your hair” stare yoruba men and women give you in the danfo the day you decide to carry your natural, unrelaxed hair that you tried to do “bantu knots” on the previous night and failed woefully.

At this point I’m wondering what all the stress is for, I mean fruits and eggs that people are looking for to eat I’m busy packing it on my hair. I still fix my weaves or braid my hair all the time; so what exactly is the point? Keeping this our dark thick natural hair is awfully expensive, pain wreaking and time consuming! Why exactly are we so passionate about “going natural”? I know the kind of pain I go through each time I have to make my hair, just because I have decided to abstain from relaxers. Worst part is awon natural hair teachers said we should not comb out hair, but use our fingers as combs. Just like fashion trends, we have all jumped on this bandwagon even though it’s killing us inside. The worst part is after two years of pain and suffering, my hair still isn’t 12 inches long. My hair stylist will likely ban me from her saloon soon, all because I threaten anyone who tries to bring a comb close to my head.

*looks at Solange Knowles’ picture* I’m still not relaxing my hair! The devil is a liar!!! I have come this far and I plan to continue *giggles*, Solange is the ‘hairspiration’. But this won’t be the last of my complaints.

This is all I managed to grow in a year and 9 months

PS: Tomorrow, my hair will be two years old!!! (there’ll be no party)

UNTIL NEXT TIME……… XOXO

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