Posts Tagged ‘RANTS’


*DUSTS COBWEBS*

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Hello Beautiful People, it’s been quite while. I guess Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day, Happy New Year and Happy Valentine’s day in advance will be in order. First of all, a very big thank you to everyone who asked me about writing again *this one’s for you* (in Drake’s voice). I thought my “come back” post (feeling like one long lost Nigerian musician FAZE) would be a recap of 2015 but when I tried writing that, all I could come up with was…..

2015 = WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE

So I decided to write something else….

I gave myself a Friday deadline for this post but I still couldn’t go through with it. Coincidentally, today is my Mum and her twin sister’s birthday (I know my Mum is turning up in heaven). So,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUM AND TWIN MUM, THE WORLD ISN’T THE SAME WITHOUT YOU MUM, IF YOU CAN COME BACK PLEASE DO.

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NOW……

It should be noted that at the time I thought up this post all I wanted to do was find out which relaxer was the best in the market, buy the relaxer, relax the living day light out of my natural bondage hair and live happily ever after.

It was about 2am that morning and while the world was asleep I was battling the dried crumbs of banana stuck in my hair. The numerous “natural hair diaries” where they talked about conditioning or whatever with bananas didn’t talk about this part. I kept asking myself; did I use the wrong type of bananas? Did I leave the mashed up bananas on for too long? Was I supposed to grind/blend the bananas instead of mashing it up? Instead of me to think about my project write up I’m to submit in less than a week I was thinking about bananas and my natural bondage hair. After washing my hair three times and combing so rigorously that my scalp even almost left my skull, I decided to give up. I dried my hair with the crumbs in it, wove it and went to bed. Thanks to the hair, I had barely 3hours of sleep that night and I had to be in school the next morning. I kept thinking; who sent me message? Why exactly have I not relaxed my hair? How do deeper life girls do it?

I went to school the next morning with the crumbs in my hair like that. I thought no one noticed until I was walking to class and this rotund guy was busy trying to make a conversation. I really wasn’t interested, so I walked past him and the next thing I heard was “are you just waking up from sleep?” I turned around with disdain written all over my face wondering what in the world prompted the question. Then he sad “there are many things that look like foam on your head”, I said thank you and continued to class. I got to class and that was basically the first thing everyone noticed.

This was never the plan; I cut my hair two years back because I felt like doing something different in my life at a point where a lot of things were going south. I never planned on going “natural”. But then the first thing everyone who saw me on low cut said was “you have decided to go natural” (after the “ahhh why the hell did you cut/barb your hair” part). And then I decided to join the band wagon. It was all fun and games until the hair actually began to grow. I wasn’t really interested in all the plenty serenren that came with “going natural” at first but when the hair became too difficult I got sucked into the expensive, time consuming, pain wreaking hole. The plan was to groom my hair for a year then relax it. But then I started hearing gist of how we grow 1-2 inches per month and the only reason my hair won’t be at least 24 inches long at the end of two years was because I couldn’t retain it or whatever; but somebody lied *in ice prince’s voice*.

Then there came the long list of things I had to put into the hair to condition it, retain my hair length, stop breakage etc. Then I had to look for organic shampoos and conditioners because the regular #150 shampoos and conditioners I was used to had some chemicals that were to be avoided. I also had to buy some vitamin supplements that I could barely afford. I piled up the lists till I had a source of income. After three to four months of buying I decided I wasn’t buying anything I couldn’t afford anymore. So I focused on using fruits and other affordable products. I started with avocado, honey, garlic and olive oil and even onions. Then I introduced coconut oil (which I make with my own hands from scratch), eggs and eventually the bananas that ruined it all, and then came ripe plantain. I had to decide if eating the almighty dodo was more important than having bad ass natural hair.

Then just when you are busy complaining, you see a picture of a fellow naturalist who started the journey a year after you did but has 10 inches hair.

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Lets not forget the “should I help you comb your hair” stare yoruba men and women give you in the danfo the day you decide to carry your natural, unrelaxed hair that you tried to do “bantu knots” on the previous night and failed woefully.

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At this point I’m wondering what all the stress is for, I mean fruits and eggs that people are looking for to eat I’m busy packing it on my hair. I still fix my weaves or braid my hair all the time; so what exactly is the point? Keeping this our dark thick natural hair is awfully expensive, pain wreaking and time consuming! Why exactly are we so passionate about “going natural”? I know the kind of pain I go through each time I have to make my hair, just because I have decided to abstain from relaxers. Worst part is awon natural hair teachers said we should not comb out hair, but use our fingers as combs. Just like fashion trends, we have all jumped on this bandwagon even though it’s killing us inside. The worst part is after two years of pain and suffering, my hair still isn’t 12 inches long. My hair stylist will likely ban me from her saloon soon, all because I threaten anyone who tries to bring a comb close to my head.

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*looks at Solange Knowles’ picture* I’m still not relaxing my hair! The devil is a liar!!! I have come this far and I plan to continue *giggles*, Solange is the ‘hairspiration’. But this won’t be the last of my complaints.

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This is all I managed to grow in a year and 9 months

PS: Tomorrow, my hair will be two years old!!! (there’ll be no party)

UNTIL NEXT TIME……… XOXO

DON’T FORGET TO DROP YOUR COMMENTS

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P.S: THIS IS’NT REALLY A RANT

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 THIS ISN’T REALLY A RANT

Happy New Month people!!!! Welcome to the month of March, I trust you all had a blissful February; not to worry March promises to be better. I hope everyone is enjoying what’s left of their weekend, for behold Monday falls upon us tomorrow. I wouldn’t even classify Saturday as part of my weekend for the fact that I had to be in school yesterday. And as a result of the environmental sanitation exercise, the traffic to and fro was hell and yes I was very late for my class. In other news, the lecturer was this very very very hot and brainy young doctor. If I were to guess I would say she should be in her early 30’s. I just found a new motivation to get my PhD after this (getting my PhD before I’m 28 won’t be such a bad idea *flips brain*). Back to my LASTMA debacle, I’m still quite furious (well, a little less furious than I was on Wednesday). If you still haven’t read the first part of this post you aren’t too late. Click here.

You know how we lower our expectations from/of people so we don’t end up getting disappointed and just when we finally have a reason to lift our expectations, we get disappointed anyway. This is one of the reasons I was really pissed! I always have an absolute worst case scenario for every single situation (my friends call me a psycho for this sha; it can be really bad sometimes). The reason is just so I am prepared for whatever happens in the end. Unfortunately in this case I just never imagined anyone could be so wicked! My anger was for the fact that at first I was really happy to know we still had a few good LASTMA officers like him despite everything we hear about them, but in the end he proved himself to be the absolute worst! Nothing kills me more than getting disappointed like that.

Another infuriating fact I pulled from that experience was that most of our traffic control, vehicle inspection and security operatives in this country might just be the utter vilest! I’ve heard of so many cases where the complainant ends up becoming the culprit just because the officers need someone to take the fall/ are too lazy to carry out their duties/ just need to fill their pockets. The LASTMA officer said “Madam see ehn, ordinarily if it was another officer he would have directed you to pass one way, so that they will book you and you’ll pay #25,000. I’m just doing it for you because you looked responsible”. His statement has been a major reason for concern ever since. What are we to make of the fact that officers are willing to “lead you in the wrong path” just so they can fill their pockets?

This goes to show that just like our politicians, most of our security operatives are just after filling their pockets! They barely care for/about the people they have either sworn to serve or protect. Gabriel said on the previous post that letting the officer in was a risky move seeing as he could have had a weapon on him; my question is was I supposed to consider this being that I was dealing with “an officer”? Under normal circumstances the answer would be no, but seeing how everything turned out I probably should have had that in mind. Although I was very relieved and thus felt safer when I saw the officer at first, in the end I learnt that the same officers ought to be one of the problems I should be shielding myself from.

If the politicians only care about amassing wealth and the security operatives’ mostly care about filling their pockets, where does that leave me the ordinary citizen? Where do I run in time of trouble?

P.S: I already have Esther and Ifueko on the squad to find that officer: more recruits are welcomed!

UNTIL NEXT TIME…….. XOXO

DON’T FORGET TO DROP YOUR THOUGHTS….

THIS IS A RANT- THE LASTMA TALE

Posted: February 25, 2015 by myTHOUGHTStoSCREEN in LIFE LESSONS, NIGERIA, RANDOM THOUGHTS
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PS: THIS IS A RANT!!!
I don’t think I’ve been this pissed in a very long while. I mean nothing on earth pisses me off more than dishonest, selfish, self-centered (and many other adjectives my brain can’t express presently) people. One thing I have always been very careful about is falling on the wrong side of the law; why? Most, if not all security, traffic control, vehicle inspection officers in this country are nothing to write home about!
Today (25-02-2015) started off pretty well, I was still giddy over FCBarcelona’s win yesterday and it also happens to be a special someone’s birthday. I left home to the Island to run an errand for my Mum even though I was supposed to be in school. After my errand, I decided to see Esther since I was just a stone throw from her office (make that two stone throws). Seeing as I wasn’t very used to driving on the Island I was very cautious of every turn and bend I took, but unfortunately, I missed a turn. I went forward anyway because I was sure there was another exit although I wasn’t sure of how I was to get there. I got to a bus stop and decided to ask a bus conductor I saw, just as he was about giving me directions, I saw a LASTMA officer just in front. I thought to myself “Thank God o! At least I won’t get missing”.  I moved forward a bit and beckoned on him to come. He approached me, I greeted him and told him where I was trying to get to. He then said “Ah, madam you might get confused o, let me just follow you”. 
I was very surprised he agreed to follow me, I kept thinking “So there are still good LASTMA officers like this, perhaps I have always been too quick to draw my conclusions about them”. He then said it was obvious I didn’t know the island too well. I told him I hardly had any business there, that it was mainly my mother’s office in Ikoyi that usually brought me down there. He asked if I was in the military or paramilitary because of the cap I had on the dashboard. I told him it was my mums’ and we continued our journey. When we finally got somewhere I was familiar with I asked him if he was going to the mainland too seeing as we had gone quite a distance from where i met him. He said he wasn’t, and that we were approaching the exact place I picked him. I thought to myself “This guy has been really helpful, I should just squeeze out #500 from my empty wallet for his effort”. I decided I would give him #500 when we reached his stop. When we got forward I realized we were just across the road from where I met him. “Ha ok! You don’t even need to enter a bus back” I said. He said “No o, I’ll just cross and climb down that bridge”.
He got out, and then I wound down the car window and started my thank you speech (at that point I was much more than grateful). I gave him the #500 from my almost empty wallet, and he said “No o Madam ah no”. “Oh wow” was my next thought, he didn’t even want money. I began to tell him how much I appreciated what he had done, how he had basically saved my life and how he should just take it as a token. Then the bomb dropped “Madam abeg add something join e too small” was the next thing he said. WHAT???? Now that I’m revisiting the incident, perhaps that would have been a good time to zoom off. I opened my bag and found a #200 note lying there; I brought it out and gave it to him. He didn’t take it; instead he got back into the car. He started this speech of how he’ll ordinarily collect #5000 and that what he has just done for me, no other officer would do it. At this point I was just cursing myself inside for missing that turn. The he said “Madam see ehn, ordinarily if it was another officer he would have directed you to pass one way, so that they will book you and you’ll pay #25,000. I’m just doing it for you because you looked responsible”. WOW!! So asking for directions is now a crime? So once I don’t know my way I have to pay the nearest LASTMA guy #5,000 for directions? I was quite dumbfounded. I dug out another #500 note from my bag and gave him #1,000 (at that point all I wanted was for him to get the hell out of my car, before I pulled out a sharp object). He still refused the money and said “Madam see now, my oga is already calling me, if I don’t go back with something for all of them he will not find it funny. Just make it #3,000; I have more than #1,000 in my pocket. This #1,000 will not go anywhere o. Na help I just say make I help you o”.
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I tried explaining to him how I didn’t have any more money while begging him to accept my own hard-earned money that he hadn’t worked for. I kept wondering how I had gone from the girl who was about to give out #500 out of the goodness of her heart, to the girl who was begging the same person to accept #1000. Since he still refused, I decided to add the #200, he still refused and asked me to add the #100 he saw dangling out of my bag. I finally gave him #1,300 before he got himself out of the car. While he was walking away, I thought to myself, if you don’t leave this guy with a piece of your mind, you’ll regret it. I horned and beckoned on him to come. First, I made sure the car was locked then I wound down and said “I hope you know you won’t use that money for anything tangible”. While he tried to process, I zoomed off.
I basically drove in beast mode all through the rest of the journey, pouring my anger on every road user that crossed my path. I decided to stop at the supermarket to shop for a few things hoping that would ease off the anger. Well…. It did, until I saw another LASTMA officer on my way (P.S: I almost ran him over). Right now my keyboard is paying the price.
TO BE CONTINUED….
AND!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND, TURNED SISTER AND HUSBAND, IFUEKO ‘CORRINA’ AIDEYAN, I WISH YOU THE BEST OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT. AND I PRAY GOD CONTINUES TO REWARD YOUR KIND HEART AND SOUL. AND NO I DON’T LOVE YOU!
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UNTIL NEXT TIME….. XOXO
DON’T FORGET TO DROP YOUR THOUGHTS…. LETS HEAR YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE