Posts Tagged ‘Stop Existing’

21 AGAIN

Posted: June 20, 2015 by myTHOUGHTStoSCREEN in LIFE LESSONS, RANDOM THOUGHTS
Tags: , ,

21-again-1

For some days now, I’ve been waking up with this “why is the world the way it is” feeling. I wake up questioning everything; why there is so much heat, why there is no power, why I have to wake up every morning to go to school when the only way I’m sure of being employed is if I create a job for myself since none of my uncles are senators or ministers (I still don’t understand why sha), why my street is so messed up each time it rains, why I don’t have super powers, why chickens can’t fly. EVERYTHING!

I decided to source for the origin of this anger. I finally found the problem after several hours of meditation. In a week I get to be “not 21” any more; I turn 22 in a week’s time. And, I realised I have been “living” my life (sorry existing) too damn fast. You’d think I was running from something. I have been secretly pissed at the fact that even though I have achieved a “considerable lot” (mostly academically) at my age, I couldn’t really care less about it all. I have been busy working hard for something I don’t even think I want.

I get to be “not 21” soon and I have no memories at all of being 21. I always looked forward to the 21 mile stone and had all these things planned out in my head, but….. Now is when my life is supposed to be about fostering relationships and creating beautiful memories for my old age. But instead, I wake up every morning thinking of what to make for breakfast, even if I do not plan to eat, my father has to. I run to school afterwards, spend not less than 5-6 hours in traffic to and from school, go to the market to get food stuff, get home, prepare dinner even if I’m tired as hell, struggle with my books and the cycle continues, every day, every week, every month.

Hangouts? Who has the time? Have fun? Please define fun.

I have decided to make this last week count! How? I honestly do not know. But something has to be done. Sha, for now I have to go and seek for a solution to my fresh tomato problems. Have you tried to buy fresh tomatoes in Lagos lately? You’d think you are buying designer tomatoes.

UNTIL NEXT TIME…….. NOTE TO SELF: STOP EXISTING AND START LIVING…. XOXO

Advertisements